anticipation

it gets difficult sometimes. when outcomes don't meet expectations. when expectations form at all.. you try not to expect but it creeps in anyhow. so, you take stock, you step back, you relinquish control (as if you had it in the first place) and accept a different outcome..

it creeps in anyhow.. it doesn't really matter what we say, it's "anyhow" that seems to matter. i smile for the first time in awhile today to think of it. let what happens happen. i'm fine with that. i'm ok to be dissapointed. i'm ok to be sad for a moment before figuring out the next step. the new plan.

it's the little things to enjoy. the anticipation of expectation. taking a walk through the exchange district with a coffee instead of working on a wednesday afternoon while you wait for an answer.

it is perhaps a day of disenchantments, but there is enchantment in that too.

i guess it is when disenchantment loses all enchantment that we need to move on. let go of its sources. but as long as it keeps it's texture. as long as it doesn't keep you. as long as you are willing to keep moving with it. it can just be a part of your day. it can be the styrofoam cup in the river that you walked by while waiting.