sometimes i can't tell if i'm young or old. if i'm wise or foolish. if i am right or wrong.

am i supposed to be less decided? should i let more happen the way it does and want less to change outcomes, even when they are unhealthy? there is a zen buddhist in me, lifetimes away who says yes. i'm just not there yet. i am working on it though, with many failures under my belt. i say that gently because i know that we fail in life and it doesn't mean we'll never succeed. i just have a tough time to put aside some hard feelings to move past certain things. i have a hard time forgiving situations that perpetuate. that much i can see. it makes me go back to the first line of this post.