so alot has been going on and i guess i should write more.. but i don't like writing about what happens.

so i'll just say that i feel life pulling apart from something that was before. certain people have been becoming so comforting, reassuring. it's a relief to be around them. because certain others it seems are uncomfortable and it is making me uncomfortable. it doesn't make sense to me and probably never will, and i am coming to terms with that. i can't change it. i can't make them comfortable.

so as the year comes to a close, i look forward to the new year. it is exciting and terrifying and if nothing else, i feel very alive. i will take on some new challenges and i'm grateful for the opportunity. before i could even know what was happening, i asked for something and got it long before i expected. i'm pretty sure i still don't understand fully, but i'm glad it's that way.

i'm listening to music that is new to me but reminds me of a spring gone by nonetheless.. it's her voice i guess. i'll have to patch together what i can. it's a process i love. it involves the antique sideboard and the lake and thoughts that get to be spoken quietly over a sunset. it also involves a newly renovated building full of business and problems and solutions and resposibilities. i will drive back and forth between the lake and the responsibilities.