it's peaceful with him. as we prepare to marry, i am so grateful for the love we have found. i feel at peace when i cook him a meal. he feels at peace when he carries for me what i used to carry alone.
with my parents, it is peaceful. my mom sees our love and knows our family will grow. my dad sees our love and i know he loves chris for loving me with the same grace and patience as he does. they both love him for taking care of me.
it is peaceful with friends. the friends who celebrate him with me feel like a part of our extended family and i am so grateful for them.
it is peaceful in business. we have gained great neighbors and friends and to find those things in a business partnership is serendipitous.
it is peaceful with extended family. when i least expect it, certain people reach out in small ways and i appreciate it.
and then there is the coming apart. maybe they would have come apart anyway. or maybe my value with them was that i was alone. maybe there was some kind of brotherhood in being single. except that i never valued being alone as a brotherhood. i valued it for the things i learned through solitude. i relished in it after relationships that were a struggle. i loved it for what it was. but i never hung my hat on it. somehow, in finding love, i have let some people down. it's hard to know whether to look at it as an ending. i guess for now, i hold judgement and wait.
some of the coming apart is in ways i could not have imagined. it is disheartening to know that my presence in his life seems to be threat to some and a cold draft comes at me instead of love. i never saw it coming.
and then there is that single rose whose thorns have been more evident than its petals. i am finally at peace with letting go.
No comments:
Post a Comment