the other day i found an old suitcase in the basement. it was filled with memories of a younger self, a different time. a necklace that represented love, match books i used to light cigarettes with, a notebook with addresses to write home to, a photograph of an old friend and i in our youth, a poem, a train ticket, the sleeve from a mixed tape listing the songs meant to keep me company on the road, vials of essential oils with smells that bring me back. the suitcase itself smells of comfort and memory inside. i'm not sure how it got such a delicate and welcoming smell, all closed up for so long. i'm glad it does.
the mirror built in to the lid of the suitcase is broken and even that is comforting, just knowing that the years of bad luck that might have ensued have long passed. like everything else in the suitcase, any burden it carried has long since subsided. a good reminder in itself.
the memories are sweet. i was alone a lot back then. i kept company with strangers more than friends. strangers became my friends. i played guitar more. i sang more. i wrote more. i timed my days around dusk, rain, meteorites, falling leaves. i was a regular in coffee shops, i was less confident and more wise. i was not afraid and for that, i love that suitcase the most.
and so, the last few days have been to remind me. of letting myself be guided, of finding beauty in the small things, of how beautiful of a life i have been graced to be a part of.
which brings me here, to a new space in my home where i hope to be able to take some of what lives inside my mind and heart and let it have a place outside of me. it is simple and clean and beautiful. it is a blank canvas, minus the intimidation ;)
