i have mixed feelings these days i admit.. it's a struggle i admit. some stuff i thought i left behind creeps up and then oddly, more things i left behind follow. even our ghosts follow each other.

but amongst the stress and the uncertainty, i find myself finally taking a moment without avoiding. without tuning everything out. and i find that i love to be at home in my house with my dogs and good music and the warm light and air. that at least while i am here, i do not need to avoid.

i guess i forget to breath and take everything too seriously. i guess i lose track.

i went through recent photo's tonight and i am filled with gratitude. i forget sometimes. i get lost in all the details of what is not going the way i would like and i lose track of what is important. we're always losing things. every day we lose another day. some days we lose bigger things. some days we lose our best friend. some days we lose opportunity. some day we'll lose what we can't imagine losing. some days we wake up and realize what we lost over all the days we were not aware enough to realize we were losing.

and so i need to practice some patience..