it's time...

for a new look. it's spring and the old blog is full of winter and while there are lovely things back there, the change of season is upon us and it feels just like a new page. green like all things young and new. undoubtably the trees will sprout young leaves and the river will break up. in the north the whole town will talk about it.

i feel on my own so much these days. in a way that i find appealing and appropriate. and while i'd love to have someone to watch the river break with me, it feels right to watch it alone for now. i think when i'm not on my own, i miss some of the qualities of each process. alone my days fill up with beauty and i somehow feel less alone.

today it was chivonne. bonnie can attest to this. chivonne is a young black girl of 4 or 5 years old. she radiated warmth and happy energy. she approached all of the children around her with her warm smile and touched both of her hands to their face with such love. she was more gracious than most adults i've met, and had a deeper spirit than most as well. she had a little jump in her step and to me, she glowed..

and so the days go. some people glow and some don't. sometime we ourselves glow or don't.

monday the weather will be warm and i will find a photo for this post.

the new things

i guess i never really formally introduced charlie murphy. he's the newest creature roaming around our home and he's lovely. named after himself and eddie murphy's brother, he lives up to his reputation as a funny black guy.

the other new thing maybe i'll premiere in a couple of weeks.

i guess i have more to say than i have time for right now, but i'm really excited about life. i keep doing wrong things, but i see that. and i think it will only get easier to do right things. the wrong things keep giving me the right messages and i'm learning how pointless certain negative processes are. i keep trying to eliminate negativity from my life and while it comes and goes, it gets harder and harder to accept it and as time goes on the belief that it is wrong gets deeper. moreso, the belief that positive thought, action, etc., bring about positive results becomes stronger. negativity is starting to feel like a splinter each time. the body knows there's something in there that doesn't belong and pushes it out. even where people around me say it's justified, even when i think it's justified, i know deep down that even if justified, it's destructive and unneccesary. and i know that it's a choice, regardless of how much it often does not feel like one.

i've seen how much a healthy mindset without boundaries has helped me in certain area's of my life and i would like to now extend that into other area's. certain negative thought patterns i have held onto for a long time because i think i felt i needed them for some reason. seems sad and unfitting to say that but it's true. i wasn't choosing enough of the right things so i had to keep some negativity around to make myself feel better. there is also the need to speak when i know something to be wrong around me, but i am seeing that speaking of it is essentially making me part of something wrong. complaint is a very tough one to get rid of but i know that will get easier and easier as it gets harder and harder to accept from myself. i am truly coming to believe that it is wrong. not intellectually, but further than that. it is like quitting smoking. i knew it was not what i wanted for years and tried over and over to quit and it wasn't until i believed myself stronger than it that i was able to give it up and then suddenly i put out a cigarette and said it was my last and it was a simple as that. our negative patterns feel like our friends in some ways and therefore we think we need them. i believe i am strong enough to give up complaint.